Revenge is a dish best served from My Queen

“Wa7ed kofta law sama7t”

The Pig and Amnesiac are in the cinema watching the moving men’s underwear catalogue which is 300. Both are entranced, the Pig by the decapitation and sword action, Amnesiac by the thighs and thong-tha-thong-thong-thongssss.

The film has reached the climax of its penultimate scene: King Ridiculous Beard has finally realised that his attempt to take on Persia using a battalion of 300 men wearing thongs and capes was possibly slightly misguided, and has thus decided to make the best of a bad situation by fighting to his inevitable death in a deluge of Persian arrows and bloodied glory, thereby ensuring that his memory lives on, on

Before he expires, King Ridiculous Beard’s thoughts inevitably turn to her indoors, the missus. He is of course unaware that her Highness has had it away with the fit bloke out of Something New while her man was busy chopping Persian heads off (she did it for Sparta however, so that’s alright). He is consumed with anguished love for el madame and, arms aloft, bellows:

King Ridiculous Beard: MY LOVE!!!!!!!…MY QUEENNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Amnesiac: [whispering noisily and breathing popcorn breath all over the Pig] Howa ga3aan wala feih aih?

The Pig: [Closes eyes and adopts the expression of a man with haemorrhoid problems.]

* An eating establishment (that is, a trailer) in Mohandiseen.

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