Ordering off menu

MSN conversation this evening

Mother: Tried very much to get you married only to fall at the last hurdleband
Amnesiac: With who insha2allah
Mother: Last hurdle!!*
Amnesiac: Yes I had understood
Mother: Met hassan holding court outside a Knightsbridge restaurant . His cousin Zeid was there as well as a childhood friend called Ziad. The latter is half Irish and very like Peter Postlehwaite except more handsome. He is an architect. I leant on Hassan to get the full history of Ziad and decided he should marry you. Hassan went along with this until he whispered in my ear ” ZIAD IS CHRISTIAN!!!
Mother: [Various assorted angry emoticons]
Amnesiac: LOLLLLL [silently thanking Jesus for sparing her an awkward dinner in some London restaurant with a Peter Postlethwaite lookalike]
Amnesiac: who is Peter Postlethwaite [unable to believe that she means the potato-faced actor who is about 71]
Mother: You may well laugh, I nearly died the death. Postlewaithe is Daniel Day-Lewis’ father in ” in the name of the Father”.
Amnesiac: He isn’t good-looking!!!
Mother: I know his face is like a wedge of cheese but Ziad is quite good looking in a way.
Amnesiac: Did you have a good time?
Mother: Yes we had a good time. It was sunny and quite warm. Hassan then went back to the Millenium hotel and the other two boys went to Harrods for a spot of shopping. I went home WITH DADDY [Assorted angry emoticons]

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