Facebook status update number “0”

Within the framework of the Supreme Council for the Armed Forces’ determination to continually bombard the people it has been saddled with with communiqués filled either with pompous aggrandisement of its own role in the glorious revolution or an announcement that one of the thousands of civilians, sons of this glorious nation convicted of crimes in a military court are going to have their sentences reviewed because Mona Seif and Ragia Omran wouldn’t shut up about the matter, we bring to you another Facebook photo – statement.

1. With reference to the lamentable events of Sunday 15th May outside the Israeli Embassy in Cairo the Supreme Council states there is no truth to allegations that peaceful protestors were attacked with multiple volleys of tear gas canisters and shot at. The fact that army soldiers arrived at the protest wearing gas masks in no way indicates a premeditated intention.

The Supreme Council says that in reality events were as follows:

– A small group of thugs, members of a subversive counter-revolutionary group, stole a giant wheel of production with the help of criminals who escaped from a police station in 6 October. The criminals were able to escape not because our glorious police force is not doing its job, but because there is chaos in the country as a result of the continuous sit-ins and factories and protests you motherfuckers insist on involving yourselves in.

After stealing the giant wheel of production the group of counter-revolutionaries and outlaw criminals rolled it throughout the great nation, terrifying law-abiding sons of this country and in the process bringing the tourist industry and the economy to their knees.

The counter-revolutionaries and outlaw criminals used the giant wheel of production to smash through the many rows of army soldiers protecting the Israeli Embassy (because it isn’t a church. We don’t do churches).

The counter-revolutionaries and outlaw criminals were then able to steal the Israeli Embassy, after the army and the Central Security Forces, little lambs that they are, refused to open fire on the sons of this great nation. The counter-revolutionaries and outlaw criminals made off with the Israeli Embassy, blocking traffic and angering Naguib Sawiris in the process.

2. With reference to the events in Imbaba last week, and at Maspero on Saturday, the Supreme Council strongly refutes the rumours and human rights reports that it did fuck all as people killed and maimed each other. The Supreme Council says it thought they were just kidding.

The Supreme Council reminds you ungrateful shits that it is part of the fabric of this nation and that its primary duty is to preserve national unity against attempts to undermine it and it plans to do this by locking you all up while releasing anyone with a government position prior to January 28 2011.

و الله الموفق

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