A group of pensioners running the Egypt tour bus say that they will not allow the tour to be disrupted by uninvited elements who surreptitiously enter the bus with the assistance of foreign backing and then attempt to sabotage it.

Pensioner Mahmoud Hegazy told reporters that one such element, Alaa Abdel-Fatah, had been summoned for questioning by members of the One Hand Group today.

Hegazy said that the One Hand Group was acting on information received from the group’s legal advisor, Ahmed Zbaydar.

Zbaydar is an amoeba who has defied evolution and developed the ability to fastidiously apply copious amounts of hair gel despite always wearing Michael Jackson leather gloves. In addition, he produces a high pitched droning sound believed to be speech and whose frequency is only audible and comprehensible by douches, hence his job, his recent appearance on the Tawfik Okasha talk show and his popularity on Youtube.

Pensioner Mahmoud Hegazy.

An amoeba indicating the size of something.

Abdel-Fatah has been charged with assaulting members of the One Hand Group, stealing machine guns and inciting violence against the One Hand Group.

These charges relate to an unfortunate incident on October 9 2011 when members of a subversive group known as the Egyptian Orthodox Christians stood on the side of the road chanting and singing hymns, causing great fright and distress to the driver of the Egypt tour bus who had no choice other than to accelerate and mow them down.

Other members of the subversive group responded by deliberately colliding their bodies with the Egypt tour bus, which again caused great fright and distress to the elderly members of the One Hand Group and greatly undermined stability.

Pensioner Mohsen El-Fingary’s finger is reportedly limp since the incident.

“iogw9erjo qhu Alaa ncoiuvuoiua auw99r30 nf” 290fjeg 8q2jilef 2q2in, said Zbaydar.

Pensioner Hegazy translated Zbaydar’s comments for reporters. “Alaa was there inciting violence and stealing weapons. He drove off in a tank”.

One reporter asked Hegazy to ask Zbaydar whether he had personally witnessed this. Zbaydar responded – via Hegazy – that he had not in fact seen this because amoebae don’t have eyes, but that his trusted friend Mas Pero told him it happened.

It was also revealed that a member of the Egyptian Orthodox Christians group who died on October 9 is also now a suspect alongside Abdel-Fatah and is also wanted in connection with crimes committed on October 15 and October 18 – although so far police have been unable to track him down.

Zbaydar also revealed via a powerpoint presentation that Abdel-Fatah had been involved in several other high profile incidents and that he is likely to be questioned about them.

The amoeba provided photographic evidence to back up these claims, reproduced below.

 Abdel-Fatah was seen shortly before the murder of King Hamlet.

Abdel-Fatah was present when the Israelites fled Egypt and blogged about helping the prophet Moses to part the Red Sea.

Americans want answers about where Abdel-Fatah was on April 15 1865.

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  1. Lucy Seton-Watson says:

    Brilliant. You are brilliant, Sarah Abu Carr.

  2. Nives says:

    Thank you Sarah for making my day. I want a printed magazine with all your satirical posts!

  3. MoShewy says:

    This is brilliant. Brilliant, I tell you!

  4. Amr says:

    Pleased to medet you. Guess you know the nature of their game.

  5. Amr says:

    Pleased to meet you. Guess you know the nature of their game.

  6. Constant reader says:

    Well I wish I had a trusted friend like Mas Pero. But more dogs are all I seem able to locate. Alaa is real cute. Tell him I said so. And as for L. Olivier, he had a real hard time being attached to Vivien (Vivian?) Scarlet O’Hara, you know, Katy Scarlett, stuck in Georgia with the turnips. Tomorrow is another hard day’s night. Girl you good, awful good. All the best to you and yours, on this eve of Veterans Day in the USA. That stands for the United States of America.

  7. strangetown says:

    Nice! :D

  8. Constant reader says:

    Wendell Steavenson’s Nov 10, 2011 New Yorker blog has a nice photo of Alaa’s face, its grafitti image in blue in Cairo …..also photos of grafitti portraits (stenciled?) of 2 other martyrs….the writing’s not bad either

  9. Constant reader says:

    correct that color for Alaa’s image—the New Yorker graffiti portrait is not blue, but dark red, bloodyish, burgundyish

  10. St!f says:

    We want more bus posts! While I’m laughing I forget crying

  11. Someone says:

    Did you know that Alaa was the inspiration of games like Serious Sam? Case you don’t know that game, it’s about a single dude that has the ability of mowing down waves upon waves of enemies for the sheer delight of it. Alaa never runs out of ammo and can overtake and command vehicles just by looking at them. Alaa is only seconded in super power terms by Chuck Norris.

  12. Constant reader says:

    I’d say Alaa beats Chuck Norris with one hand tied behind his back. Dear Someone, in the slightly lit mood of the afternoon, you are inspiring me to listen to the Mekons Rock n’ Roll, the song Someone, “We never have to stretch our imagination It is our own lives we can’t believe Years of waiting for the rendevous” etc etc. And no man, I didn’t know that game. Waves upon waves, huh? More power to him and Alaa. Chuck N. can go jump in a lake, any moviefied lake he wants to.

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